I was in really stress mood few days before. I just had my violin practical exam yesterday. It turn out fine. There're stops and errors in the pieces, the others were ok. There was one test in the aural part, the examiner played a song. And I'm suppose to tell him the texture and what period is it from. I was never taugh of that part, I didn't even know that it's part of the exam. So, I tembak la. It's playful and from the modern period. He asked me to give a reason for that. I said it felt pop and playful. But, that didn't bother me really much. I'd say it's a better than pass. A merit? not so sure.
mm.. the reason I'm stress is because of aYen. I haven't cry for a long time, except for the moments that I cry watching a movie la.
2 days before exam- We practiced with the terribly out of tune piano. She, with nothing to do the whole day, practiced her part for hours. And once I'm done eating and bathing, I started joining in. After that, she insist on teaching me sight singing. I said I had to get out for the 7pm drama. But, she keep continuing. So fed up, I was rolling my eye, frustrated. I said (politely) I want to go watch the drama, it's already 7.30pm. You can watch it whenever you want but I can't, let me go. Then, she finally let me go. Out of politeness, I said I'll come back when it's 8pm. Holding the gruch, tired of satisfieing her standard, I went back in for practice. Kept having that sensation like you're about to cry that night.
1 day before exam- It was Wednesday and I got home early by 1pm or so. Soon after, Teng came back too. After seeing me and Teng watching tv for one and an half hour, aYen shouted "you two don't be so lazy!" We both ignored her. Same thing happened after another hour. We continue to ignore her. You might be wondering why is she scolding Teng too. mmm.. she's scolding me for not practicing so much hours as she did. And she's scolding Teng for not revising as hard as her for a BIG BIG BIG HUGEEE exam- pmr. (lol) I think everyone's got their own method of studying. See, Mi used to scold Wan Cheng so much for burning the midnight oil, but she got excellent grades. Every child in our family (I believe) can be trusted to manage their own studies as long as they get As, which we always does. That day, we ignored her, trying to eliminate the stress she's giving out, but i think Mi and Pa got influenced. Pa asked both of us to sweep the second floor, he'll sweeped the groundfloor. We didn't even got us to agree. In that senario, he should have espect us to rebel his suggestion. Can't you see, aYen's trying to boss everyone in this house! And Mi, saw me not practicing before going to my regular violin lesson. she started soft but then she raise her voice and insist that I'm taking it too easy. That afternoon, I was tired and stress out hearing their demand on me. I just finish having bath, and Mi called me twice , "aren't you planning to practice?" Obviously, it's what Yee Yen ask her to say. My anger exploded after the 2nd call. I took my violin and stormed downstairs. I said, "practice! practice! practice! I'll cry if I have to."
Yen replied, " you have to practice, you're terrible."
I yelled, "I'm not you!"
"What to do if you fail?"
"That's my business not yours. I'm the one taking the exam not you."
"Then you go back and sleep. No need to practice!"
My voice was like crying already. I took my violin and stormed upstairs. I said, "don't push me anymore." Before the lesson, I did not practice because I can't play in that dreadful mood, I can't let them make me hate violin. Tiping this now still makes me have that crying sensation under my throat, I'm still angry for what Yen did.
When I reach upstairs, I told Teng that I had to cry because I've keep the stress in my chest for so long. And then my tears rushes out like it's out of control. It last for like 10 minutes and the next few subsequent times. I stop talking to everyone. When Mi said i was taking it too easy, I started recognizing her as an enemy too. I told her we'll go out early so that I can practice in the school. There, I compromised to stop her protest.
When I reach the school, I started talking and smiling. My mood recovered and I played well with the school's IN TUNE piano. In my heart, I consider this proves that it isn't my fault for not playing good at home, it's that piano. No matter how many times I play at home, my pieces won't improve. And it's aYen and that room which collects all my bad memories of working with Yen. After that lesson, me and Yen became sisters again. I think she symphatises me and she approved my good plays, that's why she's good with me. Conditional love..
I promised to myself that I won't ever choose Yen as my accompament ever again.
