Can't believe it's been so long since my last post on this blog. I have been through a lot since that blogging, which was during foundation year. it's already term 2 for year 1 in degree, and to be honest, I have learned a lot even though i don't realize it.
I am still experiencing the same thing, the thought of quitting the course, but now that I realize I have been like this since foundation, and I have recovered, I quite frankly, simply numb.
At first I started having problem with datelines, it started to get not healthy because I was not satisfied with my artwork, and there is no time to correct that flaw. Eventually I came out of the attitude to just do it, it's just a matter of coming out with something to show, the end. I became relax and my mind was free.
Then I got close with Zi Hweh, I think she got into me. I mean her mindset. She's very sensitive to stress, and she is easily influenced in a dramatic way. Some times, I got as mad as her, because I tend to try and support her position, to defend her I guess. Some times, I see her as my mirror. She is what I am going to be if I continue with this kind of attitude, so it kind of brings me up because I told myself that I do not want to be like her. Not to say that she's not good, I do try to help out when she's stress out.
It was just last week that I went through the same thought again, do I belong to this suffering course? Actually if you ask me now, what did happen.. Uuuu, I don't remember. I think that's a good thing though, to remember only the good things, not the bad ones. I do remember now, I heard the radio DJ, Chan Feng, said on the counselling program, that a career should be ones ability, not interest. I agreed, then I started thinking that I did not enjoy my course because I am not good in it, I am good in writting and academic stuff, not art. During my dilemma period, Wan Cheng said to me, once you have decided what you want, do not think anymore and walk straight ahead. Thanks to that, I am who I am right now, in this moment, I do not think anymore, I will finish what I started, full stop.
Another interesting thing that did happen was the chaos between us and the lecturers. There was a briefing this Wednesday. The lecturers announce that they have set up a new marking system, and they showed us the A-standard sketch books from NTU. Trust me, if you were there, you would see everyone's expression, it explains what they were thinking. Everyone was stress out and in shock. Base on our standard, we were like being pushed ten steps backwards, as if we would have to start all over again to climb this gigantic mountain. It was silence during the entire briefing. I did felt like crying when I was listening to that, furious almost to the point that one would shake in anger, I could not even speak a word when my friend asked me what's wrong with me. After the lecturers went out, me, Mandy and Zi Hweh sat in the cafeteria, and we were scolding and cursing. At the end, we decided to meet Mr Arthur to clear out the long confusion and stress we got from the lecturers. After the talk with Mr Arthur, we were satisfied, because Mr Arthur was so good at clearing the air, and make us think the other way around. I'm impressed. Do think it's a bravery to voice out to the authority of our lecturers. I really got the idea after Mr Arthur's explanation.
The next day, Ms Alce called for a briefing. Well, it was no brief, it was long, dragging and clueless. Ms Alce said that we should go to her when there is problem, because she's the leader and that is the direct way to communicate and to solve the problem. All the way, all I heard is she defending herself. She said that she herself, trusted us, and we should trust her. When she say that, all I can see is just her putting a play in front of us, total lye. From the beginning, she has been acting fake, for me la. Maybe it's the way working people work in this society. So, I do not trust her any more. Well, experiencing that drama, and tutorial with all 3 lecturers, I have no faith in all 3 of them. That is why I am numb now, I only trust my self. I do agree that I need after school activity starting from next year, to avoid me over thinking again that design is a big heavy burden in my life. I believe this event will be memorable to the lecturers, to the friends that supported this confrontation (with Mr. Arthur and the lecturers) and of course to me. It's been long since I have done something like this, brave and confrontation things, you know. The last time I did it was during secondary school. Felt like it's time for me to go back to the brave, adventuress me all over again.
For now these are my goals for 2012.
New Year Resolution:
1. be in an orchestra, aiming MPYO
2. be more active in other things than just project.
3. to participate in a writing competition.
4. to wear cons as replacement for spectacles.
