Can't I dress up when I feel like it?
Can't I dress up pretty for myself?
Can I not live up to people's expectation?
Can I just do what I like?
Ever since I started studying in KBU, friends have been telling me to dress up? To change image? To change my hair style? Persuading me by saying, " Wan Lee, if you would change your appearance, I think you would be much much more confident "
Even mum's sending me to fix me some braces, to straighten my teeth.
Everyone keeps telling me to be pretty, even trying to help me do it, or do it for me, instead of just persuading me. The fact is, I have been affected by these persuasions. I have brought dresses, follow trends, hence, I have learn a bit or two about how to choose clothes who can make me look good, I really have. However, it is not everyday that I'll dress up, thinking through everyday's wardrobe. Believe me, I have tried, I ended up being in front of my cupboard for half an hour, every morning, figuring what suits what.
Wait, that is not all. Then, I started to wear contact lenses. For that, I have to have extra half an hour to put on my lenses. I use to blow my hair, but I never really get my hair in shape for a whole day. When the air gets hot on the way (when I am walking to school), my hair freezes up. When wind blows, my hair goes out of shape, ending up with a messy hair-do, all that hard work down the drain. Believe me, for me, blowing my own hair IS hard work (my arms get tangled up when I use the hair dryer and comb at once)
Because I don't have a completely changed wardrobe,so I don't have pretty clothes to wear everyday. So, it is often that my friend would see me dress up like, like what I used to dressed like, T-shirt, jeans. Hair down would be comment as messy, so I keep my hair up.
Today, me and my friends went into some clothing retail. When I saw the clothes which do not interest me, I went out to sit around. My friend say that I am not interested in clothes or dressing up, I am interested when the clothes are pretty, but they're not. Later, she carried on saying that I should change and dress better, it will build up my confidence. Whenever she talks to me of this topic, she'll get all excited, at the she's a bit angry; in other words, like she cares, that is why she get so emotional and raises her voice. I don't take it offensively, because she's my good friend.
I do think it is very much the environment that is causing me to loose my confidence. I was confident before, without these topic throwing up at me all the time like now. I think this society has been very much about appearance, people judge you by appearance; how you look, are you fashionable? Everything is so judgmental on the surface now; I cannot say it is wrong, and neither is it right. I think I have the right to decide when I want to feel good about myself, when can I relax and wear whatever that is convenient, when do I feel like dressing up. It may be every Tuesdays, or when I am 22 years old. I do not need my clothes, my hair, my shoes to fill my confidence, to label me, to say a statement about me, because I, should be my own confidence, I AM MY OWN CONFIDENCE.
