Twintwan Garden

back to being brave all over again

2011-12-06T04:00:00.001-08:00

Can't believe it's been so long since my last post on this blog. I have been through a lot since that blogging, which was during foundation year. it's already term 2 for year 1 in degree, and to be honest, I have learned a lot even though i don't realize it.

I am still experiencing the same thing, the thought of quitting the course, but now that I realize I have been like this since foundation, and I have recovered, I quite frankly, simply numb.

At first I started having problem with datelines, it started to get not healthy because I was not satisfied with my artwork, and there is no time to correct that flaw. Eventually I came out of the attitude to just do it, it's just a matter of coming out with something to show, the end. I became relax and my mind was free.

Then I got close with Zi Hweh, I think she got into me. I mean her mindset. She's very sensitive to stress, and she is easily influenced in a dramatic way. Some times, I got as mad as her, because I tend to try and support her position, to defend her I guess. Some times, I see her as my mirror. She is what I am going to be if I continue with this kind of attitude, so it kind of brings me up because I told myself that I do not want to be like her. Not to say that she's not good, I do try to help out when she's stress out.

It was just last week that I went through the same thought again, do I belong to this suffering course? Actually if you ask me now, what did happen.. Uuuu, I don't remember. I think that's a good thing though, to remember only the good things, not the bad ones. I do remember now, I heard the radio DJ, Chan Feng, said on the counselling program, that a career should be ones ability, not interest. I agreed, then I started thinking that I did not enjoy my course because I am not good in it, I am good in writting and academic stuff, not art. During my dilemma period, Wan Cheng said to me, once you have decided what you want, do not think anymore and walk straight ahead. Thanks to that, I am who I am right now, in this moment, I do not think anymore, I will finish what I started, full stop.

Another interesting thing that did happen was the chaos between us and the lecturers. There was a briefing this Wednesday. The lecturers announce that they have set up a new marking system, and they showed us the A-standard sketch books from NTU. Trust me, if you were there, you would see everyone's expression, it explains what they were thinking. Everyone was stress out and in shock. Base on our standard, we were like being pushed ten steps backwards, as if we would have to start all over again to climb this gigantic mountain. It was silence during the entire briefing. I did felt like crying when I was listening to that, furious almost to the point that one would shake in anger, I could not even speak a word when my friend asked me what's wrong with me. After the lecturers went out, me, Mandy and Zi Hweh sat in the cafeteria, and we were scolding and cursing. At the end, we decided to meet Mr Arthur to clear out the long confusion and stress we got from the lecturers. After the talk with Mr Arthur, we were satisfied, because Mr Arthur was so good at clearing the air, and make us think the other way around. I'm impressed. Do think it's a bravery to voice out to the authority of our lecturers. I really got the idea after Mr Arthur's explanation.

The next day, Ms Alce called for a briefing. Well, it was no brief, it was long, dragging and clueless. Ms Alce said that we should go to her when there is problem, because she's the leader and that is the direct way to communicate and to solve the problem. All the way, all I heard is she defending herself. She said that she herself, trusted us, and we should trust her. When she say that, all I can see is just her putting a play in front of us, total lye. From the beginning, she has been acting fake, for me la. Maybe it's the way working people work in this society. So, I do not trust her any more. Well, experiencing that drama, and tutorial with all 3 lecturers, I have no faith in all 3 of them. That is why I am numb now, I only trust my self. I do agree that I need after school activity starting from next year, to avoid me over thinking again that design is a big heavy burden in my life. I believe this event will be memorable to the lecturers, to the friends that supported this confrontation (with Mr. Arthur and the lecturers) and of course to me. It's been long since I have done something like this, brave and confrontation things, you know. The last time I did it was during secondary school. Felt like it's time for me to go back to the brave, adventuress me all over again.

For now these are my goals for 2012.
New Year Resolution:
1. be in an orchestra, aiming MPYO
2. be more active in other things than just project.
3. to participate in a writing competition.
4. to wear cons as replacement for spectacles.

I'm positive

2011-07-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

Not anymore worrying what I'm doing. I'm just going with the flow these days.

I've got my feed back from Ms Yvonne today. I got a B+ for my journal project. Supricingly, when I heard the lecturer's comment, I was neutral. She said she like some entries and some, not so much. She said in term of concept, I'm strong, but in terms of technique not so strong. Which is how I know myself. Ms Yvonne says I have to find a balance between these 2, and improve from there. I take it well, and walk on from there.

I'm gaining confidence along the way. Yesterday (Wed), me and my team presented SUHAKAM for Malaysian studies subject. Among the 3 groups who presented that day, we were the best. The other 2 went off the stage without a clap plus feeling embarrassed; but we ended our presentation by receiving applause from the lecturer and the audience. We all got our point through well, we encounter questions but we were able to answer them. Luckily they were not facts questions. Felt so proud for that presentation, such sense of approval from everyone. When we all went back to our seats, my friends keep complimenting me, saying "love you so much" because (as if) I've save them all.

Once again my ability in academic subjects is recognized. I should be a lawyer..

I've also learn how to cherish and appreciate the "process" lately. I've learn to do silk screen, and today I learn how to remove photo emulsion from the screen. I've learn to use several machines in the 3D studio, and I'm confident in using them. I love those machines, they are so helpful and quick, makes my life much easier. Also liking Mr. Joe from the 3D studio, so kind and generous in helping and teaching fresh students like me.

Life is nice these days, even though it rained and I got wet today, but I'll always remember the times that the sky is good to me.

elecoldxhot winner for showdown 2011!!! Yeah!!!

same

2011-06-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's the same dilemma again. We're slowly stopping from classes these days, it's the end of semester 3. But, we're still on date line's pressure. I've lose motivation in me again.

I was thinking, maybe I should have think of something easier to execute. For now, I see myself

not doing design anymore in the future. Many are like that.

Some times, I just think, why am I doing this? It's not giving me satisfaction or sense of achievement what so ever, like what designers are suppose to have. I'm struggling through this design thing. I'm not bad, but I'm not good either. It's not making any sense right now.

Sometimes, I hear this in the radio. Many people lives a boring life. Everyday is the same, life as a human= life as a robot, no sense in life. I feel this way right now. I think if I can do design part time, while putting other things as my priority, it would be more fun. At least, i'll like design more than now.

Doing thing we don't like, is not important, and why am I still doing this? I do not have the answer.

dilema

2011-06-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm having thoughts in my head these 2 days. I was so lazy to get started to do any of my projects. I know I have to think positive to get through this, but it's just not that easy to walk the walk at the end of the day.

Now I've understand myself better.

my strength: thinking, writing, language, drawing.

weakness: problem solving, building the real thing, coloring, basically all workmanship and techniques.

solution: practice. find out your strength as soon as possible.

the thing is, I do felt that we can't really adapt because it always changes in every semester. Even if I've find my strength, I can never rely on it because I may be doing a sculpture one day, and a visual journal on another.

here's the thing. I've been told that I'm not working hard enough to ensure my scholarship's continuation. I've founded out from the college's office, that an overall B gred (60) is already enough to keep the scholarship. But in order to secure it, I have this mind set to get all As for every semester. So, I'm expecting myself to deliver every step of the way.

During studies in school, even though we have exams and all, but I was never stress until the point of fed up, like what I'm having for design. Academic was easy for me. So, I was starting to think maybe I'm meant for academic things, maybe I should stop. I was lazy and frequently losing motivation for design. Maybe I should quit from the course and learn other things.

But I may never get another scholarship from other colleges. To start over, I'll be wasting time. And I don't want to lose any of these. Plus, quitting from something sponsored is too adventuress for me. Oh~ some times I just hope I can go wild, because I'm too restrictive towards myself. I'm always the one whose stopping myself from doing things.

In the mean time, I was also thinking what else can I do. A writer/ columnist/ author for fiction books, because people always compliment my language ability, well just English and Malay actually. I could take part in writing competitions to collect proves for my writing ability in the future, if i'm really going to be a writer. I could be a music teacher and an orchestra violinist. That can support my living expenses. And if I quit from the course, I would keep practicing art and be an amateur.

Now that I've got my thoughts out, don't think I'll quit from the course. I'm just too coward to do that.

virus attack!

2011-05-07T04:51:00.000-07:00

I tried signing facebook, but i can't. suck the virus!

last few days, I sign in to fb to inform my classmates about the lecturer's msg. So, I sign in, checked my notifications first. I saw a link send by my teacher, pn salina. The title which includes the word osama attracted me. Didn't even hesitate because it's from my teacher, so I click it. siapa tau, kena liao lo!

chat boxes start popping up by themselves. the link send it self to everyone. my friend told me to change my password, so i did. I try signing in again with my new password, but I can't. Fb says this is not your password. I try changing my password again, which needs a reset code that, had been sent to my e-mail. I sign in for hotmail, but....!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T. hotmail says someone sign into your hotmail and send a lot of spam. for your safety/security, we've blocked your account until you reset your password. while setting the new password, hotmail keeps saying do it again, sorry for any inconvenience. O M G

now, this blog is the only thing I can sign into. haiz~

btw, if any of my classmates reads this blog, Ms, Karen says bring a new A3 sketch book and colored pen on Monday(9 May 11).

semester 3

2011-04-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

I've just got my result today. Guess what Wan Lee, you guess wrong. You got 4As, A for all subjects. You have completed one of your 2011 new year resolution: to get all As in semester 2. I'm quite happy, I didn't think I can do it.

This means i'm going the right direction. I shall keep this up til semester 3. Complete another new year resolution: to get distinction for practical grade 7 for violin exam!

sem 2 project and break

2011-04-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

my favorite picture of all, purple lighting

interior ( night)

interior(day). Mood: mysterious

exterior. mood: protective

exterior: front

another long time gap to this post. same goes for my other blog.

To sum up sem 2:

from my own judgement, I don't think my grades will improve, but I honestly think I improve. Example: I've had 3 satisfactory drawings from drawing class exercise (only 1 from sem 1); I've learn to use semi colon (;) in english writing; my lecturer, Ms Tyonna, said my critical studies essay was good, I am in her A list. Although i do learn new things in projects, but I got 2 Bs already out of 3. I think I improve in working hard and getting higher B marks, but still... For semester 1, I got 3B and an A, I don't think there'll be a shift from my old result.

For last week of semester 2, I stayed in the college's hostel, to work on our team project (Human Sanctuary) overnight. It was tiring, but fun and memorable. The result of our projects, i think, was great, excellent, a good combination of all our team member's strength in both designing and building the real thing. I've also build great relationship with my team members: Jietz, Alice, Vui Ming, Ming Zhen. Also learn what is it like to live in the hostel. Therefore, I now plan, to stay in the student house, or rent a house and share it with interested friends. I'd like a place which is more motivating for homework, a single room with bathroom. I don't like changing clothes in the bath room. Single room is good also for me to practice violin everyday.

to yee yen

2011-02-26T22:00:00.001-08:00

Yee Yen reads our blog. So I hope she read this.

Yee Yen is in a new ward, and has to be on-call every alternate day. I can see she is exhausted every time she comes back home. Her eye brows are always frowning every time I see her. Yesterday night, I knocked her room's door, because both door-way in to the toilet are locked. She opens the door and see me. She's frowning and looks at me as if she's going to scold me. Anyway, she say nothing when I come in. I told her both door were locked, that's why I knocked.

I am very scared of her, to even talk to her. I won't dared to speak to her more than one sentence.

I know that her mental health is not in a good shape now, due to her long hour and exhausting work. I'd like to talk to her to help her release her stress, because Yee Yen doesn't talk much now a days. I think she's suppressing her stress. If she talks, she will throw out her anger and stress in full force. That's why she keeps quiet.

Yee Yen always tell people to work to the hardest, she hates people who doesn't. And she's the kind of person who had peak mood, she's either very happy or very sad. I hope she learns a better way to channel her stress, because she should know, people are worried about her.

Yee Yen said she expect her children to work as hard as her. Imagine this is Yee Yen's child writing in the future, this will break a mother's heart.

talking dharma in music

2011-02-13T08:17:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking of some thing to blog, inspirations to blog. But felt lazy until this second.

Anyway,

I'm in a holiday from school now a days, so my focus is on the music. So, every Wednesday and Saturday is my violin day, which is nutrition to my brain and soul every week. I'm trying best to know more about violin these days, for my exam and also for teaching lessons.

For my own lesson, I tried to absorb as much from my teacher every week. I'm practicing everyday now so I'm consistently keeping track of my progress. I think my teacher is very good, and very inspiring. I have high respect for him, as if what he says is a bible or something, hehe. Really do hope I can become a master of violin some day, to play violin like it's a part of my body. And of course, to get distinction, to get a diploma. Honestly, I am not sure if I can do all those, but I set them as my goal.

From my teaching, I'm doing research on exam syllabus, exam gradings, ways to repair a violin bow. I have a boy, Christopher, whose taking theory Grade 1 next month. I am giving him past year sheets to do every week. Marking it is a new thing for him, and I have to browse books to find him the best appropriate answer. Teaching gives me a lot of exposure to new things, a lot of 'first times', and I felt motivated by them. I'm planning to study theory until grade 7 or 8 just so I can teach theory like most piano teachers, later in this line. As I was browsing ABRSM website for info, I saw a page offering teaching course. It cost 200+ paun. (UK money, or is it spelled correctly?) I felt interested. I am seeking more to help my student now. Other than my teacher , colleague and the internet, my input for solutions are limited. By thinking all this, I felt more of teaching music as my main job in the future, rather than working as a designer. Which I don't feel odd. I've asked 2 music teachers, they did not have higher education in music.

Learning music is nothing like studying academic stuff, every level-up is a challenge to overcome from our selves, which is way more difficult. My mind is now in a state of enjoying, and at the same time, thinking seriously about music. And now I realize, I'm yet again in another level now.

Happy things

2011-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

It's near Chinese New Year, we've done buying new clothes. I, for this year, bought a shirt, which perfectly covers all my weaknesses: my bye-bye-yok, and spare tyre. And I bought 2 dresses. It's the first time I'm buying them, willingly^^.

I like them very much but I'm saving them for after CNY, plus the fact that I'm with this bad hair style now, haiz~. Long hair and girly is quite the style that suits me best.

After last last week of reality boost: my Grade 6 violin failure result paper, I was triggered to set a goal. My chinese new year resolution, hehe, to get a Grade 7 violin distinction cert this year!

And also to practice violin everyday, get As for all subjects in school, to build self confidence, build up my assurance in making decisions, make goals for every violin week.

I've also change a new background for this blog (work from几米, a Taiwan artist), and a new profile picture for my facebook.

Happy Chinese New Year, world!

bad hair= bad mood

2011-01-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

i planned to sketch some door panel design tonight, but I turned into a bad mood after seeing myself in the mirror. No matter how I comb it, it doesn't work.

I am sad and am angry at the hairdresser that's responsible for this!

The guy did not wet or blow my hair straight before he cut my hair, even though my hair was tied up. He just cut it dry. My hair is now in 2 straight lines, front and back.

I am determine not to let any male cut my hair anymore. Every time it's a man, I get stuffs like this, ridiculous! I wrote in my notebook that I would never trust hairdressers anymore, now come to think of it, it was good every time it a lady who's cutting my hair.

It's like the guys didn't study anything from the hairdressing school, no sense of suiting the hair cut according to your face's shape.

And I have to suffer a month of bad hair day, and face everyone with this ugly hair. I said,"I only have to not face the mirror for a month." Yen said "pity~". Every time I look in the mirror now, I want to cry. curse that guy, hope he gets scolded by his bos!

Usually I can overcome bad haircut after a day, but this time, I think I'll take a month.

thinking

2010-12-11T08:37:00.000-08:00

one day, my student- Christ ask me am I going to teach after this. Are you teaching next year, next next year, next next...?

When I think of my lessons in Talent Growth, I feel that I like this job. I like teaching these kids. I enjoy it and often they inspire me, like this question do. My bos, Amy is a good bos. I'm thinking am I going to be teaching here for even 2 years more? Because I'm planning to move out next year when I'm in degree.

outdoor drawing class

2010-12-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we went outdoor for a landscape drawing lesson. We've done oil and soft pastel last few weeks, yesterday was watercolor. We went with 2 kbu vans to Mount Kiara park. It's a park which covers the whole mountain with some forest and hills.

We stopped twice at different spots to paint. I sat with some friends, kinda like a group of us in a few spots. Both spots I sat was under the sun. And for the second time we stopped, we sat there to finish the final: watercolor painting on an A2 size watercolor paper. Imagine painting a painting that big takes how much time than the first A3 sketches? I sat under the sun and finish most of it until our lecturer finally call it a day. We were suppose to hand that painting in that day itself, but many were far from finishing barely half of their painting, so Mr Adi said we may hand it in by next Friday. I know maybe when you are reading this, we might think "hey! who ask you to be so stupid, purposely go pick a sunny place to sit". I was aiming for a place before the bridge, it's a jambatan tergantung. plus when we started, it wasn't that sunny. But as the day pass, the sun changes it's position you know.

And now, my back is aching from sun burn. I was back-facing the sun when I paint so the front of my body didn't kena sun burn. When we (the whole class) went back from the park, my friend told me my back looked reddish, I thought he meant a reddish spot so I answered, "maybe I got bitten by some bug" cause I was feeling on my back.

And another thing. On our way back, we only got 1 van rather than 2, so we have to packed in it. the back sits of the van was meant for 12 but we have 20, but nevertheless, we fit in it. Pity us.

college sem 2

2010-12-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

Do you often feel reluctant about writing your true words out in the internet, either in fb or in your blog, because you know your friends or family may have a free access to your words to you don't want them to know those words. Which in the end, you tell yourself, I'll just keep it to myself. I often come across this dilemma.

Although not much people know about this blog, I am still afraid. The blog was suppose to be a place for us to de-stress like talking to your best friends, but now...

Anyway, start the story. Last week, sem 2 started. We got our results. I got B for Drawing, Project, English, an A for Critical Studies, overall a B. All 4 subjects are equal to 100% and Drawing is 50%. So if someone gets an A in project out of some Cs in other subjects, they got overall A. I'm just figuring out how to get A in art because everything is so subjective even for the marking scheme now.

When we were having dinner including Yee Yen, I mention about my results which everyone already know except her. She said "Lee, I know you're the kind of people who doesn't like to stress yourself but you need to because that's the way to get good result. You know Pa and Ma got no money to support you and if you don't start working hard you are going to lose your scholarship. I hate the kind of people who doesn't go 100% for their goal."

Then I got defensive right away (I don't use to be like that, don't have that patience any more). "How you know I'm not working hard? I don't have correct or wrong answer and syllabus to study from, like in Medicine. I studied and did homework at home for 100 hours and you didn't even see me working at my projects, not even 3 hours. " How can she judge me when she don't have the time to lay an eye when I'm working on art. She is not fit to judge me. Everyone on the table talked defending my side. I said in a joking manner, "you don't have a childhood." because she's stressing so much. Although it's a joke, but it's sound hurting so I apologized when I got home. Because of this, I post something on fb.

And for the record, Mr. Adi (Drawing Lecturer) complimented on my oil pastel work today. Think I'll get good marks on this project.

Since this sem started, I don't know why, but it seems like I'm not so lonely anymore. More people approach me. I'm a little bit bonding with my classmates.

20/11/10 -T

2010-11-20T23:41:00.000-08:00

Ziqi- boring book. still on Banjo position, pizz. and arco a little. Had used 1, 2, 3 fingers.

Zhe Xin- became so quiet now. Did theory today. Smart girl, gets it very fast.

Christopher- gets it for grouping notes in types of time signature. Taking theory grade 1

Amirul- my new student. had basic understanding. Gets theory easily. Setting up his violin.

Sao Chyi- had trouble clicking notes in 2 strings at once.

Yu Hang- improved yet still slow respond.

hidden heart problem

2010-11-20T23:09:00.000-08:00

it was a saturday, i think, when Yee Leng met us and we had steamboat together. She asked me, "Lee, are you really moving in to my house? When are you moving in?" Since then, it's been bothering me.

This thing about moving out and growing up, it's disturbing. Ok, let's start with the moving out part. If I move out, our home will get more quiet which is sad. If i move out, my relationship with my family will not be as good which is what I'm concern about. I'm scared that I'll forget them like what I saw on tv, that 1 day I'll rather sent them to old folk's home than letting them them stay at my house.

But when I stay at home, I got nothing to do except when I'm studying. Everyday is a routine. Holiday no more feels like one because we all grow out of school. My parent had no longer need to fetch us up and down or take care of us.

It's a sad thing that the world works like this. Everything has to end somehow. We grow old and every1 leaves the family. Haiz.. I'm not talking about death though. We grow up, have to leave to work, to study, to marry. Even for friends, we no longer study or live together and see each other everyday. These toughs are sucking up my courage to move out, one day la, not now. I'm afraid that I'm going to live in my memories because now, I'm holding back in getting close to friends in kbu.

However, I tell myself, I won't forget if I don't want to. I will not forget my parent or my sisters. I will not forget my friends if I don't want to. If I move away from them, I can meet them whenever I want because they won't forget me either. Smiles~ signing off.

lol

2010-10-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

It's finally sem break.. Glad it's going slow cause we only have 1 month of it. I'm trying to cut down on my meal portion cause I'm no longer exercising as much as when I'm going to school everyday.

Supposingly I'm writing weekly blogs about my job but it's been 6 days since last Saturday so I can't remember anything from that day anymore, aka not blogging for job this week.

I'm occupying myself with these activities this holiday.

- doing some work for Campap competition. I spot it's poster in my college.

- getting a hair cut

- meeting poh yen, hui mei, elaine, jyu li

- meeting my ex-class mate

- sharpen my violin skill by practicing more often

- read 2 story books

- eat more fruits and drink water in the morning to detox^^ cos my pimple's quite active lately

I've

- banked in some money

16/10/10

2010-10-16T04:32:00.000-07:00

-Ziqi got her own violin today but she have to leave it in the skul. I've put fingering stickers on her violin. She didn't learn much because I was busy tuning and fixing her violin.

-Chew Ming came in first. He was better than Nick in terms of concentration. Nick was tired after his piano lesson with Amy when he came in, but he was still hyper in the end when he recover, therefore he learn nothing today. He doesn't have his own violin and so he doesn't practice at all. At least Chew Ming learn a song today. Next month, I'm surely separating them. These boys like games maybe I should put that into teaching them more effectively.

-Zhi Xin didn't bring her practical books so we did theory today. I explain time signature too complicated to her. She can't understand at first but I teach her as she did her work, a little more effective. I can see she's understanding it but still not confident.

-Christopher got his result today. He got 111, a pass for Grade 1 practical. The examiner wrote he's techniques were not strong yet. He mentioned bow and timing. His aural test got full marks. I gave him a patience lesson again today. He overcome shifting form A to D string. He was playing more in tune.

-Ruvisha, she practiced. Her violin strings keep loosening. I spend most of the lesson tuning her violin. She can do straight bowing now, it's just that she haven't make it a habit to implement it when she plays. Which is what makes her music sound imperfect.

-Sao Chyi didn't bring her old books as I told her to. She did well in learning and playing the new exam piece. She now know the correct D Major (separate bows) in the exam syllabus. D major's ok but she can't play G major smoothly yet.

-Xue Ying was unable to realize her weakness again today- her tempo. She know today she's been clicking the fingers too high. I told her to be careful not to draw on other string but I think she doesn't get it. She failed to do well in those songs that I've ask her to practice, I ask her to keep practicing. I know that she's packed with one week of schedule of where to go, what to do. She said she have no time to practice because she's got a drawing to complete. She's playing violin in front of her mom every Saturday.

-Yu Hang was absent.

Penny did not bring her viola today. Amy ask me if any of the students is ready for exam. I gave him only Sao Chyi for sure and Christ for maybe. I think she doesn't look satisfied. Exam is one of the income of the skul what.

9/10/2010

2010-10-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

this is the first post for 'at job'. basically it's to record the progress of my students in learning violin, and therefore to improve my teaching skills. it's also to record whatever happened at work with all the wonderful teachers.

- 9/10, it's the second lesson for Ziqi, my new student. The skul is out of Strictly Strings which is more suitable for her use in this more matured age of 9. So, I let her use this new green book, I haven't use this book for any other student yet so it's kind of experimenting with a new book. Ziqi is a quiet girl, but she was very curious when she saw a lizard's broken tail. Her mom requested to talk to me about her progress, how was she doing. I told her mom, she's good and can carry order's well. She can learn quite fast because of her basic in piano.

-Secondly, it's Nick and Chew Ming's lesson. Nick's as hyper as usual and Chew Ming's late again. I thought them more on theory this week. At the end of the class, I tried to rush them to do some practical, but I can't control them. Finally I can't get anything out of it and send them out. I told Amy Nick needs to have a violin to practice at home now she says ok. Nick's finishing his theory at home.

-I let Zhe Xin do theory this week too, while I put on fingering stickers on her violin. She's good in getting all theory done and understanding them. She's finishing her theory at home.

- Christ learns practical. I was teaching him the first song in his new book. He made some progress today, to play slowly and patiently. He was frustrated when i keep asking him to play in tune and play slowly. He does these body movement when he plays a song so I ask him too to not dance when he plays. When he's able to play in tune, then he can dance.

-Ruvisha started her lesson late because I was having KFC for lunch. Thanks to Karen, the bday teacher for buying everyone KFC. We also had Secret Recipe that day too, so nice! Anyway, Ruvisha learned practical too. She had problem playing in tune and shifting fingers between A string and D string. I told her mom I've cancel her out of the practical exam next year.

-Sao Chyi still so quiet and she smiles timidly as if to hide the fact that she's smiling. I haven't seen her playing with her playing with her ballet friends too. She's doing well with the scales but still played 2 Gs in the D major scale. I let her play the scales book I've photostat for her. Don't want her to get crazy while keep practicing the exam pieces. Taught her something new this week, the harmonic. I asked her to bring along her old books and pay me rm3.30 for photostat book next week.

-Xue Ying was thought a little bit about her theory. She's finishing her first book with the exams. She got the bass clef notes wrong. Her practical is still not strong. She played in wrong timing and had trouble clicking notes like Yu Hang.

- Yu Hang had some progress. He speaks more than usual today. I think he feels more familiar now with me and he's happy today. He's slow as usual but I give him time. His handkerchief kept falling down and puts them back very slowly. He played a complete song today. He laughed so hard when he hears weird sound. Although not smooth but he really did finish the whole song with the 'gliss'.

-I finally find something challenging to teach Yee Yen. She's starting grade 2 today. She's following my path and Suzuki book 1 is her first grade 2 book. She did Trinkle variation for bowing techniques. And learn harmonic today. Mom says she'll rarely have time to take lessons from me later. By the way, she still have an awkward position while playing the violin.

-I love this job with great people and great environment to work in. I had fun talking and eating with the teachers and Christine. Penny promise to bring her viola to let me have a look next week, looking forward to see the real viola.

Think i have to keep track of when am I teaching practical and when am I teaching theory. Have to balance them to make sure my students are learning both in the same pace.

to do list

2010-09-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

on net

- search for next suitable hair style, for keep long

- recipe on 便当food

for hw

- get marbling technique

- get impressionism pict *2 pieces

- 2 pieces of pudu jail photo

- perspectives of mushroom, and shirt

- get some asian art history tv commercial

pressure before the test

2010-08-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was in really stress mood few days before. I just had my violin practical exam yesterday. It turn out fine. There're stops and errors in the pieces, the others were ok. There was one test in the aural part, the examiner played a song. And I'm suppose to tell him the texture and what period is it from. I was never taugh of that part, I didn't even know that it's part of the exam. So, I tembak la. It's playful and from the modern period. He asked me to give a reason for that. I said it felt pop and playful. But, that didn't bother me really much. I'd say it's a better than pass. A merit? not so sure.

mm.. the reason I'm stress is because of aYen. I haven't cry for a long time, except for the moments that I cry watching a movie la.
2 days before exam- We practiced with the terribly out of tune piano. She, with nothing to do the whole day, practiced her part for hours. And once I'm done eating and bathing, I started joining in. After that, she insist on teaching me sight singing. I said I had to get out for the 7pm drama. But, she keep continuing. So fed up, I was rolling my eye, frustrated. I said (politely) I want to go watch the drama, it's already 7.30pm. You can watch it whenever you want but I can't, let me go. Then, she finally let me go. Out of politeness, I said I'll come back when it's 8pm. Holding the gruch, tired of satisfieing her standard, I went back in for practice. Kept having that sensation like you're about to cry that night.

1 day before exam- It was Wednesday and I got home early by 1pm or so. Soon after, Teng came back too. After seeing me and Teng watching tv for one and an half hour, aYen shouted "you two don't be so lazy!" We both ignored her. Same thing happened after another hour. We continue to ignore her. You might be wondering why is she scolding Teng too. mmm.. she's scolding me for not practicing so much hours as she did. And she's scolding Teng for not revising as hard as her for a BIG BIG BIG HUGEEE exam- pmr. (lol) I think everyone's got their own method of studying. See, Mi used to scold Wan Cheng so much for burning the midnight oil, but she got excellent grades. Every child in our family (I believe) can be trusted to manage their own studies as long as they get As, which we always does. That day, we ignored her, trying to eliminate the stress she's giving out, but i think Mi and Pa got influenced. Pa asked both of us to sweep the second floor, he'll sweeped the groundfloor. We didn't even got us to agree. In that senario, he should have espect us to rebel his suggestion. Can't you see, aYen's trying to boss everyone in this house! And Mi, saw me not practicing before going to my regular violin lesson. she started soft but then she raise her voice and insist that I'm taking it too easy. That afternoon, I was tired and stress out hearing their demand on me. I just finish having bath, and Mi called me twice , "aren't you planning to practice?" Obviously, it's what Yee Yen ask her to say. My anger exploded after the 2nd call. I took my violin and stormed downstairs. I said, "practice! practice! practice! I'll cry if I have to."
Yen replied, " you have to practice, you're terrible."
I yelled, "I'm not you!"
"What to do if you fail?"
"That's my business not yours. I'm the one taking the exam not you."
"Then you go back and sleep. No need to practice!"
My voice was like crying already. I took my violin and stormed upstairs. I said, "don't push me anymore." Before the lesson, I did not practice because I can't play in that dreadful mood, I can't let them make me hate violin. Tiping this now still makes me have that crying sensation under my throat, I'm still angry for what Yen did.
When I reach upstairs, I told Teng that I had to cry because I've keep the stress in my chest for so long. And then my tears rushes out like it's out of control. It last for like 10 minutes and the next few subsequent times. I stop talking to everyone. When Mi said i was taking it too easy, I started recognizing her as an enemy too. I told her we'll go out early so that I can practice in the school. There, I compromised to stop her protest.
When I reach the school, I started talking and smiling. My mood recovered and I played well with the school's IN TUNE piano. In my heart, I consider this proves that it isn't my fault for not playing good at home, it's that piano. No matter how many times I play at home, my pieces won't improve. And it's aYen and that room which collects all my bad memories of working with Yen. After that lesson, me and Yen became sisters again. I think she symphatises me and she approved my good plays, that's why she's good with me. Conditional love..

I promised to myself that I won't ever choose Yen as my accompament ever again.

week one of back to skul

2010-07-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

when i was back in skul, i was kind of alone cos everyone already know everyone except me. but my classmate are ok, they talk to me, it's just that i hesitate to ask people question when i'm clueless about something.

the 1st two days were awful. tracing, drawing and coloring. the tracing was no fun cos it's just copying. drawing was fine and i din do well with that. coloring was NO FUN AT ALL, plus can't finish it in one day. so, i have to accumulate them til weekend (dateline's end of semester). wednesday's project. i got into a group. in the morning, i was so blur, din hear my teammate said they are in the pc lab, and i just sit there and read about Vincent van Gogh all morning. Until, Winnie came back and fetch me there. Then, we do project for whole day and i got a chance to know and speak to everyone in my group. We didn't manage to finish it in skul n i offered to finish it at home. At least i've pay back the blur times i gave them. Thursday,drawing class was great. I manage to draw what the teachers ask for and I was absent last week where they teach these techniques. Friday was boring with english and art history.

I also helped at the school's office this week. it's a compulsory duty for those who got merit scholarship.

As I said to everyone who asked me, the skul is so far from my home that it's very tiring to get to either point. I wake up at 6am to get out with Teng. Arrives at skul by 8am, skul starts at 9.

When it's a day where mum, dad and Yen is getting Teng around 4pm, they'll come to kbu and fetch me home by squeezing through the sandwich traffic. When it's a day that i'm doing duty and finishes at 5.30pm, i'll catch the 5.30pm skul's shuttle bus to Kepong Central ktm station. Pay rm3.10 to get to Serdang. And I'll get home by 7pm which is better than tiring my family, wasting petrol, paying tols and polluting the air.

I'm struggling to find a balance with this time table and i'm taking ensemble by next monday. But that I suppose will work as a energy booster rather than a burden, same goes for my violin lesson. I didn't manage to get a long rest at home after skul b4 the lesson this week, but i was quite hyper when i'm in the class. I talk and talk and talk to Mr. Hong like I've seen a best friend. When i said i hate coloring homeworks, and now i feel like i like music more than art, Yen said maybe the degree that i should take is music, that I can take it when I'm older. mmm... It's not a bad idea^^

ps. I speak fluent english now.

歲月神偷 Echoes of the Rainbow 主題曲(歌詞)

2010-07-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

i fell in love with this movie when i watched it on the plane. it's a famous movie which had won several awards this year. the 4 main actor and actress are so good, impressed of all their performance in the movie. the script was good too. these are the few quotes that sticks in my mind ever since i last watched it.

弟弟对生病的哥哥说：我已经偷了所有你喜欢的东西回来了，你到底想要什么啊？

妈妈：开饭了，今天有鱼吃。

弟弟：我不吃！我不吃!

妈妈：小时不吃鱼，大了不会游泳。

弟弟：真的吗？

爸爸：妈妈几时有骗过你呢。。（剧中吴君如-妈，一直都有说这样的话。弟弟都会问哥哥“真的吗？”）

爸爸作了一双皮鞋送给妈妈。爸爸把鞋子的设计一一说给妈妈听。妈妈为这双鞋改了名字- 难佳。左边难，右边佳。一步难，一步佳- 生活就是这样过的。

每次弟弟哭的时候，哥哥就会把弟弟宝在怀里。

哥哥：学哥哥。你看，哥哥都没哭。你要学哥哥一样，不哭。

saved a bug

2010-07-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

i've save a bug today..

it was in the morning.. well actually i woke up late, it was 12pm noon. i went to the bath room and pee. saw a 'dian iak' struggling in the the water+pee (sorry, for the disgusting-ness). so, i thought since it has pee in it already, i'd better close my eyes and flush it away.

after flushing, the bug is still there. this time when it wasn't disgusting anymore (now that the pee are gone), i grab some toilet tissue and save it from the water. then, put the tissue with the bug on it on the floor. I then continue my routine to brush my teeth.

while brushing, i observed once in a while if the bug is ok . it's ok and unhurt. and able to use it's wings well which are not common when these 'dian iak's are saved. it was walking on the floor and i caught a glib that it was walking towards my foot, i moved my foot from where it was. I looked in the mirror in one second, and the next, the bug was on the platform in front of my mirror, where we place tooth brush and stuff, which is right in front of me.

at that moment, i thought it was thanking me or something. i thought in my heart, "what a tough bug it is". it must have struggled in the water from a long time, maybe since midnight.

continues

2010-06-17T07:58:00.001-07:00

i'm quite crazy over music these days. i have a new software in my comp now. been searching and downloading new songs from it. now, i've had some of my favourites on my handphone. antaranya, gravity from glee and the korean series' theme song (coffee prince, their life) are my fav among the fav. besides, i'm also practicing my cantonese reading by singing cantonese songs.

wednesday, i went to my violin lesson. i went up to the classroom early cos my teacher wasn't there yet. i practice and warmed up. he came in and asked me to play the exam pieces. so, with some butterflies in my stomach, i play la. turns out, it sounded like another level, i can play smoothly and all the dynamics correct, even the parts that were difficult. my teacher said if this is the standard that i'm playing in the exam, i'll be sure to get a pass.

I wasn't practicing for the last 11 days out of 14 cos i was feeling pain around my arm for over practicing last time. so, i figured i should rest to relieve the pain and as a tactic to upgrade my playing skills. (before this, i have experience some improvements after a long break from playing the violin) for me, it's like miracle, man!

-really love music now. wish i could find an orchestra to get into later. I wonder whether kbu has a music club...

been to the book fair lately, once with family and once with my friends. even they say i'm fat.. haiz~ i've bough 榴莲公主 and 2 art and craft books. the 2 art craft books are for inspirations. can't wait to get digging when school starts for art and craft. and i've decided to order the missing 榴莲公主 series that i am collecting.^^

update

2010-06-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

it's been long since i last send a status on fb or blog here... it juz din cross my mind to update anything. maybe i though there's nothing new what..

before i read every1's updated blog, i'd like to update mine first.

i've lose a little weight (judging from the reduction of fat meat on my body). i think it's because i've been driving lately, but still fat. quite hate the fat me though. yesterday i went to a photography studio to take a passport-sized photo, it's for my registration into kbu this week. the girl showed me the photo (on camera) , asked me whether i'm satisfied. i look fat la~ haiz~ but after 3 shots, i say 'ok la'. but i can deal with it, having an ugly photo for registration.

these few days, pa n mi was running around here n there to get me n teng's teeth done, to have braces. so far, we've been to 4 places to do so- 2 government hospital/ clinic, 2 private clinics. for the governments, we'll have to wait for 3 yrs to be call back, and to actually wear braces. the g-clinic said my case is very minor so i din get any 'refer' there. the 1st clinic said my teeth need nails which costs rm400 per nail. today, we went to a specialist clinic in damansara utama, the doc here said normal braces will do. once we decided to make my braces here, they do x-ray, few photograph on my teeth structure and also some 'marking thing' for them to mark my teeth structure. i felt stupid doing those. I had to bite a thingy, the assistant lock my head with the machine just to get one x-ray.. well, i'm going to get my braces next week. now that i've sentle here as where i'm doing braces, thanks for pa n mi's hard work for me n teng.

it's going to be long, better break it into 2 blog posts..

violin!!

2010-06-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

ha! long time no blog^^

I've got nag by my violin teacher for weeks about my lower bow and straight bowing techniques. got quite disappointed with myself after that lesson. that night, I was lying there , thinking of buying some book to improve my skills, maybe a violin for dummies book. So, I went on net to research about this book. then accidentally found this person, todd ehle, on youtube. He's a violin teacher for 20 yrs, probably teaching in a university too. got some tips to improve my straight bowing. He said that it's important to start with baby steps, do a million repetition to make techniques a habit. I guess i must have forgotten that before, almost like enlightenment. He also said that repetition are programming to muscles, that way, when you're in nervous or panic mode during exams or performance, the repetition helps you deliver.

went to the lesson this week, my teacher stop nagging about this issue anymore. after last week of research on youtube, it's like falling in love with violin all over again. well, it's more of regaining the passion i had for violin. bought a music stand yesterday! it's a good thing, right? to research abt these things since i'm already a music teacher now. I've practice like almost everyday since last wednesday (during the one week interval between weekly lessons), I felt some pain in my arm, wrist and neck, especially that 'mark' there which every violinist has, a little over-dutied them i guess. But they're not injured so don't worry. I'm stopping the practice until saturday or sunday ...

i've installed a new software in my pc lately. got crazy with k-songs now, no need to go to k-box for karaoke ^^. ya! and, i'm sharpening my driving skills lately, fetch wan teng back from school almost everyday. i'll keep it short, bye for now.

the longest essay i've ever wrote abt me

2010-05-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

mmm... where to start. a lot had happen these few days.

Monday- i went to retake the driving test i failed. Pass! this time it's like a piece of cake despite the fact that i'm much more calmer than the last time. Met one more friend there, teck kian.

Wednesday- went to limkokwing university for the star edu fund interview. strangely it's just 30 minutes drive from our home. waited 1 hour in the hall, they weren't puncture. We sat there and observe, 90% of the student there are from oversea.

So, i finally got called in. there's 3 person in the room, 2 ladies and 1 guy who brought me in. the ladies asked me about yee yen, yee leng and wan cheng. what are they studying and are they under any scholarships. i told them the truth about yy and yl but lied about wc, "she's studying in UTAR but no scholarships". (my dad told me to say that) one of the ladies ask me when was the photo taken (the one i gave on the application form), "form 2. i didn't change much what, right?"i said. "now, you look more mature." she replied. "... ..." they start checking out my file of certs and 2 sketch books which i brought along. I turned a few pages and stop. I told them that the ones in front are not good, don't look. they giggled, then took the books, open the pages that i said weren't good. Haiz... i shared the book with my siblings ma... Now come to think of it, they're not good. I told them that it's very hard for me to translate something in my mind onto a piece of paper, that's why i still have a lot more to learn. I need the basics of art in the foundation course. the other lady ask me why i choose science stream in secondary school and why am i changing to art. "I've read an article in Star that said universities prefer science student than art. Besides, I'd like to get the basics of science in case I change my mind. Changing to art is because I think art is my strength and my interest, plus I hate science. " She said, "you hate science but still can get good result, very good". They also asked me how do i come to know about the excellence in limkokwing's school of design and then applied for this scholarship. I answered, "there's a gang of art friends in my school. and while we were discussing where to study, they all said that one academy and limkokwing are the best ones". "so, which one you think is the better one?" I answered limkokwing. well, that's a bit hypocrite. I stopped from that word and didn't elaborate cause that's not honorsly what i think. according to the interviewers, this scholarship doesn't allow candidates to change the degree to persue and they'll be informing the successful candidates by call a week later.

I've not change my mind, still holding to KBU. But good experience though attending the interview.

Wednesday- went to violin lesson. my teacher gave me a hard training for one of the exam pieces. hooh~ stress! he offered me a job. said there's another music school in alam damai (which he also work there) is hiring violin teacher to teach some beginners. he asked me if i can give my number to that school, to Amy (yes, it's her from yamaha school). Amy called me on Wednesday night after my lesson, and we're meeting by Friday noon. Looks like she's desperate to hire a teacher, grade 5 punya pelajar pun mau... Wan Teng says, I am the only one among the siblings who gets job offers even before graduating from secondary school. So, some how I have to thank my violin teacher, Mr Hong.

Thursday- after watching the show, Big ideas for a small planet, I started thinking about a lot of green ideas. I think me being so into go-green is affecting my family (except pa). So, as usual, I shared the stuffs i watched on the show today with wan teng. Have you ever think that walking can one day contribute to the electricity generation? today, the show showcased an invention. these electric generators are under the floors we walk everyday. when pressure is applied on that floor, a piece of metal under the floor piece will bend and generates electricity. 10 minutes of experiment in the park, the electricity generated is 3000 watt, which is enough to support over 40 PC's. but this invention has not been use yet because it's not perfectly engineered today.

tonight, I open the doors and some windows, glass doors at home (which usually are closed by 7pm) to let in cool air from outside the house. turns out, the room felt cooler and a fan were turned off, the other were turn down from 4 to 2. Imagine that on a room with air conditioner. Just like what the show said, a lot of energy are thrown away just like that because the house structure or electrical appliances are not properly design, or simply out of date ...

I've read an article in the newspaper. found out about this webside, recycleandreward.my. it's a company that picks up recycleable items from your house, you get to collect points and redeem some cool stuffs like nintendo wii, camera to cash vouchers. rm10 only is required to get the service for a lifetime unless the company gulung tikar la. Think it's available all around semenanjung. it's great, planning to tell my parents and persuade them to do it for mother nature.^^

strangely, i'm not good in communicating but i'm good in writing. yen and mi says i'm able to express the meaning of something with only some simple and short sentences. maybe that's why yleng and wteng calls me 'weirdo'.. haha

I've had my hair cut short yesterday. back to the original length but not nice.. next time, i'll try another salon .

driving test- fail

2010-04-19T05:16:00.000-07:00

alright, i'm just going to keep it short this time. Not really into the blogging thing any more.

today, i went for the driving test which includes Ujian II (3 point turn, bukit, parking) and Ujian III (jalan raya). Maybe it's the hyper-ly active hormone in me, i was so nervous for the whole time that i was waiting for our cue. My heart pound rapidly, I've lose the confidence i had (before every big exams) and the cools i usually have.

in Ujian II, the first two test went well and then i went for the 3 point turn. 1-stop, 2-stop, 3- the engine went dead, no ... no.... no....! (bi, bi) the JPJ officer ask me to leave the car and come over. Ya, i fail this test because it's already more than 3 stops, and for that i fail Ujian II. for this test, I got a new Kancil, I wasn't familiar with the car, especially the clutch pedal. I usually practice with an old Kancil ...

Ujian III, i pass this one. the car was ok and quite easy to drive. in this test, i got a penguji so rude. I wonder why people (especially people in this field) just act rude to you without any reason.. when i was getting out of a junction, 'keluar terus ke main lane lah.. guna cermin you la!'. when we reach the pit stop, i was stopping the car, 'stop! stop here! stop now!' what's his problem? anyway, i reply him with a thank you... can't let him piss me off.

conclusion: the haven't pass the whole test thought. i think i only have to repeat Ujian II to get a P. what a long , stressful and tiring day...

one part of the Vietnam trip

2010-04-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

they don't really have a complete story .. just short stories. in this one, there's dancers dancing on water and then some datuk coming into the town. A young man tries to ikut but the follower of the datuk tries to block the man from doing it. At the end of the show, the puppet sifus come out off behind the scene, they are actually playing the puppets under water. (their bodies are half wet)

fortunately, mum get to be on this trip. We get the 2nd front sit.

tertiary education

2010-03-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

teng went for a 3days trip for Interact Club, for the first 2days, me nad my parents went to 2 different open day at KBU and UCSI. I've also applied for 2 scholaships, the ASEAN and UNITEN's AJL. I'm not applying for Star Edu Fund anymore cause Mi said it needs too many details for example household expenses (had to filled in gategories like water bill, rent, education expenses and etc.)

Now that I've made up my mind, these are my current position.
1st choice: UNITENs AJL for a chance to study in Uniten and Japan.
2nd choice: ASEAN which I'm not sure if I can pass the interview phase if I really get in the "first shortlist"
3rd: KBU which I can feel that the lecturers there are dedicated teachers. If I get in there, I'll get 100% tuition fees waiver and only have to pay rm1120 excluding accomadation la. The intake (foundation+3yr degree) in KBU is Apr and July. There will be problems if I get in by either intakes because my family have plans and have to travel by these dates. Anyway, I can always abcent from calsses.

I really really really wanted to get Uniten's AJL. Now I'm just waiting for the days after 24 Mac (dateline for it's application). My form was send through e-mail and I asked for reply to make sure they do recieve my form. It's this Evelyn that's always replying (I send a enquire to them before) and Evelyn have replied for she had recieve my application form. You know what they say about 'Law of Attraction'? Well, I did use it in my spm and I really get what I want: 9As. Now, I'm going to use 'the attraction' to get this AJL.... wish me luck

ps. Pa had fever yesterday. Hope he'll get well soon

a little stress-out

2010-03-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

is it between a good photo or not?

I've been busy these days with this application and that application. Getting stuff ready is kind of stressful cause I'm not sure of all sort of things.

source of enquire: Pa and Ma

mum has been asking me to take a new photo for these applications cause she thinks it's the first impression that counts and I wasn't smiling in the old photo I have right now. These guys, they got a lot of applicants and once they think that you're 'yong sui', the minute you know it, the forms are already in the bin. In my opinion, mum has her points but that's not the only thing they see, right? Don't all my excellent school record count. But, I'll be taking a photo anyway just to legakan hati sikit.

dad helps me but sometimes, I just don't agree with him. Dah print so much digital photos, then the Uniten ask for 4 copies of photo pun nak suruh org pakai photocopy of the real photos. Memang kedekut. If that's the case, why are we printing so much of colored photos?

haiz...

rare

2010-03-12T04:49:00.000-08:00

it's really rare that someone could get me on my nerves ... for that, I'm giving him a credit.

him= my driving instructor.

Not only that he's speaking with a blur (i have to focus quite hard to understand every sentences of him), he always talk in a blaming and frustrating mood. So rude like his wife, no wonder they are married to each other.

today is only my second drive, can't he give a bit more time for me to sesuaikan diri with the clutch and stuff. It's only the second time I'm practicing to park, and you expect me to remember everything.. mestilah ada kelam-kabutnya , it's your job to teach me well... not teach me in 10 minutes.

Every time he gets on my nerve I can only say "mmm.. " and nought in agreement. This guy memang kepala angin man! One second he's frustrated saying "I already told you this that this that..", the next he's cool and talking in good guy mood. And that makes me the loser because he's not losing anything while I got affected so easily. Some times I just wish I can scold him or something. Well, i did scold him a little today..

During first practice, after parking, he asked me to loosen the clutch. I didn't what he wanted to do, thought we were just practicing slow speed then I stop the car. He scold "what are you doing? I didn't ask you to tekan clutch pun!". So I say "I didn't know what you want to do, where you want to go!" Then, my rational came back. I stop talking.

Can't stand this guy! haiz..

in the middle of a junction now

2010-02-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

lately, i've been busy and stess-out trying to search for any possible scholarships that i may apply. I mentioned in facebook that i was targeting for oversea scholarship to get a 'more valuable' cert of degree. Turns out, most of them are only eligible for STPM (or any kelayakan that's equivalent) holders only. It's a difficult junction of my life.

Now, i have 2 options, study locally with my spm and get some discounts in tuition fees; take stpm so that i'm more eligible to apply oversea scholarships. And I chose...... to wait for spm results and then search for any possible scholarship. Browsing for scholarship is such a stressful work, if only someone can do it for me.^^

There's another dilemma now, my parents are worried about my choice of course to study, that is graphic design. They say the possible jobs are too narrow, unless you're in an established company like Disney or Pixar, the things you do are just that.

To find some motivation, i'm now reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey, hoping to find some direction in this challenging time. I'm sure of what I want, it's just that I'm quite confuse of which way to go from this point.

I really hope to get more than just a cert when i finish studying tertiary education. One day when I'm looking for a job, my resume and qualification will be more outstanding than the others.

Fortune Teller

2010-02-17T07:26:00.000-08:00

almost every time we're back in Taiping, my mum will pay a visit to the 'fortune teller's house. As far as i know, everyone has some dept or halangan in their life. In order to solve that, there're rituals to be done. Think that's why my mum keep going there to do these stuff. This year, she went to ask about my 'life'.

When she came back, she gave me a piece of paper and explain what she was told.

Mum: you're born at the top part of a tree (leaves), that symbolizes you are a indecisive person. You're born under the claws of a dragon, at the tail of a tiger. You're suitable for travels, do not have the luck to study. You have the luck of fortune in a durian runtuh way. (偏财）You're quiet but fierce. During your past life, you were a member of the Chinese royal family. You helped people in the Huang Ho, brought a lot of alcohol, clothes and money to this life. You're able to keep your money= does not depend on your husband. Between graphic designer and lawyer, graphic designer suits you more. The reason why you're not suitable to become a lawyer is because you're not teguh enough to tegakkan keadilan. You're not able to fight for your clent when you know that your client is the bad guy, but you can study law in other field like as a lecturer or something.

first myth: I cant study

2nd myth: I'm suitable for travelling.. (I can easily get motion sickness 1 leh)

I had a great time

2010-02-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

it's chinese new year 2010. Me and my family went back to our kampung-- Taiping, Perak.

At first, I was quite frus' upon getting the news from mami that we ARE going back. Then I start showing 'black face'. Everyone keep asking me what's wrong but I refuse to tell them the truth cause that will ruin the mood. Keep having 'pms' these few days but I don't take it out on people.. so, I drank water to distract myself (also to 'kut' all my words of anger into my stomach), and finally I spoke.. "so full".^^

I'm glad that this time we, cousins, get to play judi and hang out together, it gives me a feeling like we're siblings.. Everywhere is pack during this festive seasons, the high ways, malls, our dining table (pack with more than 10 dishes), the living room of our gathering place (ah po's house), nak cari tempat duduk pun susah.. It was full house when the movie Ip Man was showing on channel 311 that night, me and YeeLeng terpaksalah masuk bilik tengok 'tv with snow'.

This is the season I love the most, cny tv shows, movies, junk food, cleaning, all the adat resam.. and the best of all, relatives, family coming together to have a great time!!

boring topic.. no need to read

2010-02-07T01:58:00.000-08:00

since the day I'd set the poll for people to vote, I've been eager to know the responds.... online everyday to check the poll. Nasib baik on the last few days there's something to distract me- tuition.

After the trip to Taylor's, me and my family got back by 5pm. By 6pm, me and Pa went out to 'long' some templates. I'm giving tuition to the neighborhood's kids to earn some money, while waiting for SPM result.

We jalan kaki to every street in our taman, damp tiring oh.. Once in a while when we approach some houses with dogs in it, we tend to got bark at... kesianlah aku, can't they stop barking? But it's ok leh, I know they were just trying to protect their tuan punya rumah...

Anyway, the hard part's done. Now, we just have to wait for people to call and register.

Survey

2010-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Another poll, see left.

Maybe it doesn't look that nice in this scan

2010-02-02T20:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't post this on my fb cos this one's for my friend, it's a gift. It's suppose to be a fairy, try to make a dress out of the little butterflies. Turns out, it looks like....... the fact it's a fairy, the butterfly comes near her and covers her body.

Bought the 'butterfly cutting machine' specially to do this

I like it, but my sis (Teng) don't

Before I give it to my friend, please help me out and do the poll beside^^ thanks

will it work?

2010-01-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

I once thought that, how do the pros draw something so naturally easy, and may repeat it in almost perfection? Me myself can't draw a pretty drawing unless there's luck, feel and inspiration. I can only draw one that I myself like in a rare season or timing.

Think.... think..... Maybe every pros has their own comfort zone. They all have found it and that's what's giving them confidence in what they draw.

I'm not good with shadings, coloring, so I'm not good with just paper, pen, and color mediums. Lately, I've thought of another kaedah to finish up my art with some color cause my drawing was all in pencil/art line marker. (black and white)

I'd always like cut-and-paste-ing. So this kaedah is base on that.
Mission1: to make a picture of a girl wearing a beautiful dress
Point: to emphasize the dress.
Dress: made up of small red paper cuttings
red: made up of many types of red, ex. purple, pink, orange...
Mission 2: make dress look 3D by pasting and overlapping the red papers

Hopefully this is my comfort zone and I , one day, can make something of my own to be sold on net.
ps. The artwork will be immediately post on this blog once it's finish.

'ding' (in case you don't know, it's a sound effect)

2010-01-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

I've been really bored these days. It's free from SPM pressure, but bored with TOTALLY NOTHING TO DO. (except forcing myself to study that stupid JPJ book to pass undang test)

Today, in a cloudy afternoon, I was wondering around the house (picture it), heading for the TV remote control, a magazine 'The Pearl' caught my attention with its red and golden front page. I decided to head for that magazine.

Loosing interest with my dear TV (sorry...), I went up stairs and read a article of 'Earn The Extras'. It's about earning some cash besides depending on a single pay check. I though I can also start a business by selling some craft since I have plenty of time now.
For now, I'm planning everything in my head. I want to sell festive cards through a blog, trying to take in any possible inspiration, make contact with Yee Leng to ask for tips...

Quite exited now.. I told Pa, Ma and Wan Teng about my thought. PaMa told me to do something else.
Pa said>> tuition for our Taman. Cos our taman very pedalaman, people need to go far out to get tuition. Sure got demand.
Ma said>> I think you should offer violin lesson, cos it's better chance than selling cards
Teng said>> I think selling cards is better
I think >>It's best to work at home.

I should finish everything I'm doing now first so that I'm more organized. I'm starting to clear my school stuff, study undang. Doing research too, to kick start my business. Wish me luck!!

How you talk to the gods?

2010-01-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone talk differently to the gods? With different language, tone n bla bla...

Few days ago, me, Wan Cheng and mum went to the temple to light a lamp of blessing for my big sis, Yee Yen. First thing upon stepping into the temple, we'll donate some money and go on in front every gods to say a prayer.

Last time when I was here, my parents light a lamp to give me luck in my spm, but I was 'rejective' to it, so my mum wrote 'health and safety' as the request for that lamp. This time, I came back and thank the gods.

I told the first god, "thank you for blessing me in my spm".
to the second god, "thank you for blessing me in my spm... if you have"
the third god pulak, "thank you for blessing me in my spm... if you have."
and.. I'm not sure it's me or the god, said, "the person you should be thanking is your parents, they are the ones who were blessing you".

I also request to the second god to give me luck to recover from my sickness, "but it's good to get sick once in a while". Then, I thought of that quote 'don't simplt talk in front of a god'.
(Continue to talk to the god) "I hope that everything would go well", so that my request is not directly focssing on my health, that I would recover SLOWLY.

I'm young and don't really understand my religion's teachings. Walking around the temple, I'm curious if there's anything in that steel body (god statue), it's just a statue but people pray to them for health, wealth and etc.

Wan Cheng once told me that praying, doesn't necessary mean that you have to talk to the god. I see mum went in front of the god a few times. Seems like she have a lot of stuff to tell the god. She pray with her eyes closed, I wonder how and what she's telling the gods...

Haiyooo

2010-01-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

cough.. cough.. ppppuuuu.. ha ci...>,< eeeeee..... haiyooo

i'm sick. Hate it when I get sick cause the 'sick' in me easily gets worse. Baru hari ke-3, batuk tu dah masuk kak lungs, even the sound of my cough sounds like the paru-paru's going to got cough-out. Demam tu pulak asyik buat aku pening, macam dah nak jatuh pengsan.
(wah, such good adjectives. How come this does not happen in my essays?)

this morning, the 'fluids' are all gone- Thanks to the white tablet my dad gave me, but I start to had cough prob, making me sound like La Carlotta. Can't speak, can only whisper. When my mum called this afternoon, i spoke with a 'meh'(cantonese) sound, I don't think she can really understand what was i saying..

they use to call me..

2010-01-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

first post would be... mmmmm..
nicknames

I got quite a number of them,
my friends gave me the name 'lily water' and 'alibaba' bacause it relates to my name: wan lee. It wasn't so creative, isn't it?
At secondery school, my friends name me 'wan tan mee'. It's a scrabble of my full name: Tan Wan Lee
Lately, I got the gelaran 'miss steamboat' bacause I love steamboat. I frequenly ask my family to go eat steamboat as dinner until some of them got fad'up (don't know the correct spelling)
Next one.. 'Money' My grandma use to call me manee as wanlee or ah lee (my family call me as ah lee). Now come to think of it, this is the most special one among all my nicknames..