to yee yen

Yee Yen reads our blog. So I hope she read this.

Yee Yen is in a new ward, and has to be on-call every alternate day. I can see she is exhausted every time she comes back home. Her eye brows are always frowning every time I see her. Yesterday night, I knocked her room's door, because both door-way in to the toilet are locked. She opens the door and see me. She's frowning and looks at me as if she's going to scold me. Anyway, she say nothing when I come in. I told her both door were locked, that's why I knocked.

I am very scared of her, to even talk to her. I won't dared to speak to her more than one sentence.

I know that her mental health is not in a good shape now, due to her long hour and exhausting work. I'd like to talk to her to help her release her stress, because Yee Yen doesn't talk much now a days. I think she's suppressing her stress. If she talks, she will throw out her anger and stress in full force. That's why she keeps quiet.

Yee Yen always tell people to work to the hardest, she hates people who doesn't. And she's the kind of person who had peak mood, she's either very happy or very sad. I hope she learns a better way to channel her stress, because she should know, people are worried about her.

Yee Yen said she expect her children to work as hard as her. Imagine this is Yee Yen's child writing in the future, this will break a mother's heart.

talking dharma in music

i've been thinking of some thing to blog, inspirations to blog. But felt lazy until this second.

Anyway,

I'm in a holiday from school now a days, so my focus is on the music. So, every Wednesday and Saturday is my violin day, which is nutrition to my brain and soul every week. I'm trying best to know more about violin these days, for my exam and also for teaching lessons.

For my own lesson, I tried to absorb as much from my teacher every week. I'm practicing everyday now so I'm consistently keeping track of my progress. I think my teacher is very good, and very inspiring. I have high respect for him, as if what he says is a bible or something, hehe. Really do hope I can become a master of violin some day, to play violin like it's a part of my body. And of course, to get distinction, to get a diploma. Honestly, I am not sure if I can do all those, but I set them as my goal.

From my teaching, I'm doing research on exam syllabus, exam gradings, ways to repair a violin bow. I have a boy, Christopher, whose taking theory Grade 1 next month. I am giving him past year sheets to do every week. Marking it is a new thing for him, and I have to browse books to find him the best appropriate answer. Teaching gives me a lot of exposure to new things, a lot of 'first times', and I felt motivated by them. I'm planning to study theory until grade 7 or 8 just so I can teach theory like most piano teachers, later in this line. As I was browsing ABRSM website for info, I saw a page offering teaching course. It cost 200+ paun. (UK money, or is it spelled correctly?) I felt interested. I am seeking more to help my student now. Other than my teacher , colleague and the internet, my input for solutions are limited. By thinking all this, I felt more of teaching music as my main job in the future, rather than working as a designer. Which I don't feel odd. I've asked 2 music teachers, they did not have higher education in music.

Learning music is nothing like studying academic stuff, every level-up is a challenge to overcome from our selves, which is way more difficult. My mind is now in a state of enjoying, and at the same time, thinking seriously about music. And now I realize, I'm yet again in another level now.

Happy things

It's near Chinese New Year, we've done buying new clothes. I, for this year, bought a shirt, which perfectly covers all my weaknesses: my bye-bye-yok, and spare tyre. And I bought 2 dresses. It's the first time I'm buying them, willingly^^.

I like them very much but I'm saving them for after CNY, plus the fact that I'm with this bad hair style now, haiz~. Long hair and girly is quite the style that suits me best.

After last last week of reality boost: my Grade 6 violin failure result paper, I was triggered to set a goal. My chinese new year resolution, hehe, to get a Grade 7 violin distinction cert this year!

And also to practice violin everyday, get As for all subjects in school, to build self confidence, build up my assurance in making decisions, make goals for every violin week.

I've also change a new background for this blog (work from几米, a Taiwan artist), and a new profile picture for my facebook.

Happy Chinese New Year, world!

bad hair= bad mood

i planned to sketch some door panel design tonight, but I turned into a bad mood after seeing myself in the mirror. No matter how I comb it, it doesn't work.

I am sad and am angry at the hairdresser that's responsible for this!

The guy did not wet or blow my hair straight before he cut my hair, even though my hair was tied up. He just cut it dry. My hair is now in 2 straight lines, front and back.

I am determine not to let any male cut my hair anymore. Every time it's a man, I get stuffs like this, ridiculous! I wrote in my notebook that I would never trust hairdressers anymore, now come to think of it, it was good every time it a lady who's cutting my hair.

It's like the guys didn't study anything from the hairdressing school, no sense of suiting the hair cut according to your face's shape.

And I have to suffer a month of bad hair day, and face everyone with this ugly hair. I said,"I only have to not face the mirror for a month." Yen said "pity~". Every time I look in the mirror now, I want to cry. curse that guy, hope he gets scolded by his bos!

Usually I can overcome bad haircut after a day, but this time, I think I'll take a month.

thinking

one day, my student- Christ ask me am I going to teach after this. Are you teaching next year, next next year, next next...?

When I think of my lessons in Talent Growth, I feel that I like this job. I like teaching these kids. I enjoy it and often they inspire me, like this question do. My bos, Amy is a good bos. I'm thinking am I going to be teaching here for even 2 years more? Because I'm planning to move out next year when I'm in degree.

outdoor drawing class

Yesterday, we went outdoor for a landscape drawing lesson. We've done oil and soft pastel last few weeks, yesterday was watercolor. We went with 2 kbu vans to Mount Kiara park. It's a park which covers the whole mountain with some forest and hills.

We stopped twice at different spots to paint. I sat with some friends, kinda like a group of us in a few spots. Both spots I sat was under the sun. And for the second time we stopped, we sat there to finish the final: watercolor painting on an A2 size watercolor paper. Imagine painting a painting that big takes how much time than the first A3 sketches? I sat under the sun and finish most of it until our lecturer finally call it a day. We were suppose to hand that painting in that day itself, but many were far from finishing barely half of their painting, so Mr Adi said we may hand it in by next Friday. I know maybe when you are reading this, we might think "hey! who ask you to be so stupid, purposely go pick a sunny place to sit". I was aiming for a place before the bridge, it's a jambatan tergantung. plus when we started, it wasn't that sunny. But as the day pass, the sun changes it's position you know.

And now, my back is aching from sun burn. I was back-facing the sun when I paint so the front of my body didn't kena sun burn. When we (the whole class) went back from the park, my friend told me my back looked reddish, I thought he meant a reddish spot so I answered, "maybe I got bitten by some bug" cause I was feeling on my back.

And another thing. On our way back, we only got 1 van rather than 2, so we have to packed in it. the back sits of the van was meant for 12 but we have 20, but nevertheless, we fit in it. Pity us.

college sem 2

Do you often feel reluctant about writing your true words out in the internet, either in fb or in your blog, because you know your friends or family may have a free access to your words to you don't want them to know those words. Which in the end, you tell yourself, I'll just keep it to myself. I often come across this dilemma.

Although not much people know about this blog, I am still afraid. The blog was suppose to be a place for us to de-stress like talking to your best friends, but now...

Anyway, start the story. Last week, sem 2 started. We got our results. I got B for Drawing, Project, English, an A for Critical Studies, overall a B. All 4 subjects are equal to 100% and Drawing is 50%. So if someone gets an A in project out of some Cs in other subjects, they got overall A. I'm just figuring out how to get A in art because everything is so subjective even for the marking scheme now.

When we were having dinner including Yee Yen, I mention about my results which everyone already know except her. She said "Lee, I know you're the kind of people who doesn't like to stress yourself but you need to because that's the way to get good result. You know Pa and Ma got no money to support you and if you don't start working hard you are going to lose your scholarship. I hate the kind of people who doesn't go 100% for their goal."

Then I got defensive right away (I don't use to be like that, don't have that patience any more). "How you know I'm not working hard? I don't have correct or wrong answer and syllabus to study from, like in Medicine. I studied and did homework at home for 100 hours and you didn't even see me working at my projects, not even 3 hours. " How can she judge me when she don't have the time to lay an eye when I'm working on art. She is not fit to judge me. Everyone on the table talked defending my side. I said in a joking manner, "you don't have a childhood." because she's stressing so much. Although it's a joke, but it's sound hurting so I apologized when I got home. Because of this, I post something on fb.

And for the record, Mr. Adi (Drawing Lecturer) complimented on my oil pastel work today. Think I'll get good marks on this project.

Since this sem started, I don't know why, but it seems like I'm not so lonely anymore. More people approach me. I'm a little bit bonding with my classmates.