Not-to-be publish til 28 Nov 2012

It's time to write again

Bits of update. Lately, lots have happen. I've got into a competition with a group, 5 person, including me, signed up for the team. It was terrible. It has been a long time since something made me feel so alienated, like this time's group work.
On the paper, i am the leader, but in reality, it's Louie. I know I am acting so egoistic now, even though I said I already let it go. From being the one who founded the project, into some one who wants to have nothing to do with this project. At the end of the day, the outcome was honestly horrible, I swear this is not because of any of my buyers opinion, but it is really a bad work. Even if it get compliment at the end, I won't like to take any credit, if only anyone would think other wise of this video they made. There is little I can do, I am not as cunning as her, and I would not wish to, one day, become a person like her. From this experience, I learn that there are REALLY people as creepy as her. Manipulating every second, every person around, to get what she wants. I am truly shocked and terrified by people like her, and herself. This experience teach me how to be cautious and the way to react the next time I meet these people. I do still believe in the ingenuity in people. I wish and hope that there's one less person like her, in this world.

Forget that. Now, I am excited and free. Wow! (in high pitch vioce) is the words to express my emotion now. I am damn free now, because normally I would be rushing for dateline at this point, 7 days away from presentation. But, because of this group project, I am really just free, having only the sketch book to work on. Totally under control.
For the last 2 or 3 hours, I was surfing the net, looking for the next hair style, and spectacle, that I'll be having to change to in the next month. The spirit of renewal is so near, because of the atmosphere of year end, Christmas, and by the time you know it, It already Chinese New Year. New hopes, new resolution, new plans, the smell of future, brushing my and hair and skin like sea breeze. I will be better in the future. How positive and hopeful.

New business plan

(also published in Arco Experience, my other blog)

Being in the 'line' for two years already, how ever much I love working with children, I do not believe in pushing expectations on children since young age. Working in this position, it shows me how many parents expect children from the age of 4, be signing up for lessons, after lessons; and be expected to deliver excellence. 

I believe children learn the most out of play time. That was how I learn, how I was raised when I was young. So many examples who are grown up men and women now, proves that children learn on their own, children are self-taught geniuses, they learn by simply living, observing, watching, listening, playing masak-masak, inventing their own game. By the time you know it, they can understand and speak 3 languages just by watching the television.

Besides that, I am being annoyed by the idea of having awkward dinner with colleagues while working in any ordinary company, or profit company; the hypocrite behavior of being an adult; the idea of "we HAVE to socialize", be all smiley in front of your bos and colleagues. Doing that last night, I realize that if I will be joining the society, working in these places where there will be more awkward dinners, that is not what I want. You might say that is the reality, everyone is like that in order to survive in "adult world". But, I though to myself, is there any way, we can change that.

I had many dreams, 

"being part of an orchestra"

"to get tertiary education in music studies"

"to open a music school in the future"

to be exact,

"to open a music school, who will be also a platform for many people to spend time for their hobby in music"

"to have and be part of student societies of music"

are some of them. 

So, I though of a new plan for my future music school. Let's start with the concept. Initially, this will be a project, rather than a place, an office. The project will provide a platform for people to play music as a hobby or passion. 

In the name of "love for music", rather than "music for result", I will have students, specifically college students, as the target audience. This group is the ones who will have difficulty finding a suitable platform to continue their extra curricular programs after leaving secondary school. Before stepping into the working environment, and loosing touch with their interest, the project aims to sustain the healthy lifestyle of having a hobby to pursue, rather than only having studies or work for life.

The role of 'us', the organizer, will be, to provide a platform for that music interest, to continue, to gather, to be execute. We will be providing venue, teachers (if they don't have one), a platform to gather people from different places, according to interest or classes.

For hobby, people will be expecting free-of-charge, therefore, I am thinking of having a team of volunteers, to sustain this project, rather than the company idea. Therefore, the team will (hopefully) have like-minded and sincere people. With that, I wish to create a close team, genuine to the job, expelling the idea of "adult world".

We play music, because we love it. By targeting college students, with less restriction by parents, target audiences will be free to explore their passion, starting from cheap, or maybe experimental musical instruments. Exciting musical projects, and experience, will change the way of music courses in Malaysia, starting from this project.

The Trend Game

According to a creative director from Hong Kong, Wilde. Things that we create at one point, no matter how much excitement it creates for a particular period, it will always fade and be forgotten after a while.

That is why, for people like me, us, designers, which are suppose to be creating the future, being confused sometimes. While we are trying to piece new, original stuff, all that people want are from the past; vintage, lomography, 60s. When we're creating artworks, we do have this rule, that the things or ideas who had been done, shall be strike off straight away. We were so firm that we refuse to be classified as copy cats, only to find out later, the final 'original' idea has already been done too.

It is not until I had this break from that tension in designing, that I realize the wider picture of the trend game today. The creative industry is still creating, well I won't call it creating entirely, most of it are just discovering and exploring the untouched cultures. Example, K-Pop was a nobody, but now look at Gangnam Style, Korean drama, Running Man, half of the globe wants to learn there language now. Another example, Malaysia artists, film and TV industry had bloom and progressing well into international level. It's not like they did not exist back then, they were just not discovered yet then. But now, they are so progressive and apparent because its potential is now discovered and explored.

The trend game, is really quite funny, when you're a part of it, and when you see its truth. No matter is it "discovering and exploring the untouched cultures", or is it "new from the past", at the end of the day, it depends on the acceptance of the people. It may be luck, it may be because your zodiac star is at the right place this year. I guess, I don't have any conclusion for these babbling, I don't know, I just want to type something today. Being still a design student, I still don't understand the evolution of trend.

appearance defines confidence?

Can't I dress up when I feel like it?
Can't I dress up pretty for myself?
Can I not live up to people's expectation?
Can I just do what I like?

Ever since I started studying in KBU, friends have been telling me to dress up? To change image? To change my hair style? Persuading me by saying, " Wan Lee, if you would change your appearance, I think you would be much much more confident "
Even mum's sending me to fix me some braces, to straighten my teeth.

Everyone keeps telling me to be pretty, even trying to help me do it, or do it for me, instead of just persuading me. The fact is, I have been affected by these persuasions. I have brought dresses, follow trends, hence, I have learn a bit or two about how to choose clothes who can make me look good, I really have. However, it is not everyday that I'll dress up, thinking through everyday's wardrobe. Believe me, I have tried, I ended up being in front of my cupboard for half an hour, every morning, figuring what suits what.

Wait, that is not all. Then, I started to wear contact lenses. For that, I have to have extra half an hour to put on my lenses. I use to blow my hair, but I never really get my hair in shape for a whole day. When the air gets hot on the way (when I am walking to school), my hair freezes up. When wind blows, my hair goes out of shape, ending up with a messy hair-do, all that hard work down the drain. Believe me, for me, blowing my own hair IS hard work (my arms get tangled up when I use the hair dryer and comb at once)

Because I don't have a completely changed wardrobe,so I don't have pretty clothes to wear everyday. So, it is often that my friend would see me dress up like, like what I used to dressed like, T-shirt, jeans. Hair down would be comment as messy, so I keep my hair up.

Today, me and my friends went into some clothing retail. When I saw the clothes which do not interest me, I went out to sit around. My friend say that I am not interested in clothes or dressing up, I am interested when the clothes are pretty, but they're not. Later, she carried on saying that I should change and dress better, it will build up my confidence. Whenever she talks to me of this topic, she'll get all excited, at the she's a bit angry; in other words, like she cares, that is why she get so emotional and raises her voice. I don't take it offensively, because she's my good friend.

I do think it is very much the environment that is causing me to loose my confidence. I was confident before, without these topic throwing up at me all the time like now. I think this society has been very much about appearance, people judge you by appearance; how you look, are you fashionable? Everything is so judgmental on the surface now; I cannot say it is wrong, and neither is it right. I think I have the right to decide when I want to feel good about myself, when can I relax and wear whatever that is convenient, when do I feel like dressing up. It may be every Tuesdays, or when I am 22 years old. I do not need my clothes, my hair, my shoes to fill my confidence, to label me, to say a statement about me, because I, should be my own confidence, I AM MY OWN CONFIDENCE.

Heart to adventure

It's holiday from university these days. Now, I'm sitting at home, everyday, eating, sleeping, serving the net. It is suppose it bore me, but that hasn't hit me yet. From the free free time I am having, I've been doing a lot of thinking. How to make business with my skills in graphic design? How can I get myself popular or followed by internet folks? How about starting a facebook, a blog, a twit? Will I get noticed then? I was thinking of freelancing with graphic design, that is why I need people to notice me. My friends are already working, or looking for work, a regular job that would occupy them at week days, and earn them salaries. I am earning rm700, near rm800 by working once every week. Still, I feel like I am wasting time.


This guy is a new admiration of mine. I've been watching TV a lot these days, and I am especially in love with Nat Geo Adventure. This is Charlie Boorman, a traveler and host of the documentations the travelers have recorded themselves. I truly admire the adventurous living heart in people like Charlie, such passion, and love to the outdoor, eager to explore, eager to live every second of life to the fullest. I learn a lot from watching that channel, things in every part of the world; and they are not the typical things you see when you travel there, they are the true and insights of things in that country. Do you know that Bangladesh is a very poor country? But they are people who are pure, purer than people that I have seen every day in the cities and all. I do hope one day I can do what these travelers do, to let go of what's at home, just throw off all the burden, and go anywhere to have an adventure. Wow! Imagine that, It would be great!

I am also thinking of starting a concept store... room, to store all the thinking. Who knows one day I'll be able to use them, or I can sell them to clients in the future. You know I am selfish. Thinking of opening a freelance at facebook, I am afraid of putting my production online, because I am afraid people will steal my work.

first for 2012

update update
So far, I'm quite frankly numb from doing design home works. In fact, it's running pretty good so far. As if when you don't worry, just do what you think is right, everything becomes clear and simple. However I am not consistent in being good, yet.

From doing a poetry book for illustration book, I've fell for Sarah Kay's poetries. So I went to Kinokuniya to give it a go, try and get one of her books. It's on the list, but no stock, and it's not being publishing anymore. What a shame. I was in love with the beauties of words, I didn't know that words counld be so beautiful. I wish I can do the same.

Since, I have not been successful in entering the MPYO, my focus is well, nothing now. Will try to invest a little more effort into my studies, because Kar make it sound so interesting in Leo Bernett and the stories of Yasmin Ahmad. I'll try for a part time job during the 3 month break.

I would try to write poetry soon, until then I've been in love with something like this. A classic musical song from My Fair Lady, look at the lyrics, amazingly descriptive ^^

Lyrics to On The Street Where You Live:
Freddy When she mentioned how her aunt bit off the spoon,
She completely done me in.
And my heart went on a journey to the moon,
When she told about her father and the gin.
And I never saw a more enchanting farce
Than that moment when she shouted
'move your bloomin' '....
I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour Out of every door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!
And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!
People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live. 

back to being brave all over again

Can't believe it's been so long since my last post on this blog. I have been through a lot since that blogging, which was during foundation year. it's already term 2 for year 1 in degree, and to be honest, I have learned a lot even though i don't realize it.

I am still experiencing the same thing, the thought of quitting the course, but now that I realize I have been like this since foundation, and I have recovered, I quite frankly, simply numb.

At first I started having problem with datelines, it started to get not healthy because I was not satisfied with my artwork, and there is no time to correct that flaw. Eventually I came out of the attitude to just do it, it's just a matter of coming out with something to show, the end. I became relax and my mind was free.

Then I got close with Zi Hweh, I think she got into me. I mean her mindset. She's very sensitive to stress, and she is easily influenced in a dramatic way. Some times, I got as mad as her, because I tend to try and support her position, to defend her I guess. Some times, I see her as my mirror. She is what I am going to be if I continue with this kind of attitude, so it kind of brings me up because I told myself that I do not want to be like her. Not to say that she's not good, I do try to help out when she's stress out.

It was just last week that I went through the same thought again, do I belong to this suffering course? Actually if you ask me now, what did happen.. Uuuu, I don't remember. I think that's a good thing though, to remember only the good things, not the bad ones. I do remember now, I heard the radio DJ, Chan Feng, said on the counselling program, that a career should be ones ability, not interest. I agreed, then I started thinking that I did not enjoy my course because I am not good in it, I am good in writting and academic stuff, not art. During my dilemma period, Wan Cheng said to me, once you have decided what you want, do not think anymore and walk straight ahead. Thanks to that, I am who I am right now, in this moment, I do not think anymore, I will finish what I started, full stop.

Another interesting thing that did happen was the chaos between us and the lecturers. There was a briefing this Wednesday. The lecturers announce that they have set up a new marking system, and they showed us the A-standard sketch books from NTU. Trust me, if you were there, you would see everyone's expression, it explains what they were thinking. Everyone was stress out and in shock. Base on our standard, we were like being pushed ten steps backwards, as if we would have to start all over again to climb this gigantic mountain. It was silence during the entire briefing. I did felt like crying when I was listening to that, furious almost to the point that one would shake in anger, I could not even speak a word when my friend asked me what's wrong with me. After the lecturers went out, me, Mandy and Zi Hweh sat in the cafeteria, and we were scolding and cursing. At the end, we decided to meet Mr Arthur to clear out the long confusion and stress we got from the lecturers. After the talk with Mr Arthur, we were satisfied, because Mr Arthur was so good at clearing the air, and make us think the other way around. I'm impressed. Do think it's a bravery to voice out to the authority of our lecturers. I really got the idea after Mr Arthur's explanation.

The next day, Ms Alce called for a briefing. Well, it was no brief, it was long, dragging and clueless. Ms Alce said that we should go to her when there is problem, because she's the leader and that is the direct way to communicate and to solve the problem. All the way, all I heard is she defending herself. She said that she herself, trusted us, and we should trust her. When she say that, all I can see is just her putting a play in front of us, total lye. From the beginning, she has been acting fake, for me la. Maybe it's the way working people work in this society. So, I do not trust her any more. Well, experiencing that drama, and tutorial with all 3 lecturers, I have no faith in all 3 of them. That is why I am numb now, I only trust my self. I do agree that I need after school activity starting from next year, to avoid me over thinking again that design is a big heavy burden in my life. I believe this event will be memorable to the lecturers, to the friends that supported this confrontation (with Mr. Arthur and the lecturers) and of course to me. It's been long since I have done something like this, brave and confrontation things, you know. The last time I did it was during secondary school. Felt like it's time for me to go back to the brave, adventuress me all over again.

For now these are my goals for 2012.
New Year Resolution:
1. be in an orchestra, aiming MPYO
2. be more active in other things than just project.
3. to participate in a writing competition.
4. to wear cons as replacement for spectacles.